Storm

"If I could just see you,
Everything would be alright,
If I could just see you,
This darkness would turn to light."

My heart is divided. Half the time I want it, and half the time I don't. I know everything will be alright, but I'm not prepared to do any of this. I'm not emotionally ready to give myself to one person. I need to work on myself, I need to do well for Laura. That's what this journey is about. It's ridiculously hard not having him here to talk to at the end of the night. So incredibly hard. And I don't think that I could do this for one more day. One more second, but I must wait until he wakes up and reads it. What if he says no? I would understand, I would accept it. I made a mistake. But what about the other? There is genuine care and appreciation. He opens up my eyes. But there are emotions there that don't exist, things that I need that I can not yet receive.

If there is a single person who deserves this happiness, it's him. And I took it away. In one slick, unthoughtful motion. I thought it was thought out, but I was wrong. I was very wrong, and I made the worse mistake of my life. I know that he is in the exact position I was in just 9 short months ago. Why why why?