The hardest, strongest, but most honest emotions come in the middle of the night. When your mind is exhausted beyond belief and there is nothing you want more in this world than to sleep, to shut your eyes and let your dreams take you out of your reality. But then suddenly, all of these emotions just rush into your throat out of nowhere, your face begins to swelter, and you can't hold back the heaving sobs that make you choke.
I wish I didn't say goodbye to him. I regret that. Maybe because it's been two days since I said those words and looked into his eyes and felt his heart give out. He wouldn't let me go, wouldn't let me leave. Why the fuck did I do this? I don't know. I want him to get better, but I want to be by his side when he does it, that's what a good woman does. A good woman is going to go through all his pain with him, she's going to be there when he stumbles and falls, and help to put him back on his feet. I don't want to love another person besides him, I don't think I can. There was a future between us, and we both saw it. I'm supposed to be next to him on his journey, just like he has been with me. I know damn fucking well that he would go to the ends of this earth to make me happy and to support me, he's already shown that. I can't believe I did this.
He gave me his heart. He left it at my feet, and I took it in my hands, and I took the knife and slowly but surely drew it closer and closer to my palm, and stabbed his beating heart, and at the very end, I didn't measure the distance correctly and stabbed myself in the heart. Who got the worst of the stab, I'm not really sure. I want to fix my bleeding, broken heart. Time apparently heals all wounds, but can it heal this one? I don't think so. I know that it won't. I need him. I crave him, my heart won't stop aching until I make this right.
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