Him

I've slowly begun to forget the way you smell. The aroma of food from your work shirts arousing my nose after you get home from work. The sweet cologne pulling me in closer during a hug, tempting me to eat you because you smell so damn good. I close my eyes at night and believe that you're lying down next to me, and when I open my eyes in the middle of the night, you're not there watching me sleep. Maybe I'm just afraid that no one will love me as much as did, as much as you do. And I worry that I have lost you, but you have lost me, so it seems. The pain is still very present on my mind, and your touch, your smile, your voice, still linger in my thoughts. I still crave every inch of you, still desire to know every thought that comes to your mind as you exhale your words. I still want you, still want all of you so badly, but the pull is still there. My mind wanders to you when ever I'm alone, and I can't help wondering where you are or what you're doing. But then I realize, at 4am, that I chose this. I chose to hurt myself as such, but am still unable to cut strings with the life I have lived in the middle time.