Saturday, March 28, 2015
Him
I've slowly begun to forget the way you smell. The aroma of food from your work shirts arousing my nose after you get home from work. The sweet cologne pulling me in closer during a hug, tempting me to eat you because you smell so damn good. I close my eyes at night and believe that you're lying down next to me, and when I open my eyes in the middle of the night, you're not there watching me sleep. Maybe I'm just afraid that no one will love me as much as did, as much as you do. And I worry that I have lost you, but you have lost me, so it seems. The pain is still very present on my mind, and your touch, your smile, your voice, still linger in my thoughts. I still crave every inch of you, still desire to know every thought that comes to your mind as you exhale your words. I still want you, still want all of you so badly, but the pull is still there. My mind wanders to you when ever I'm alone, and I can't help wondering where you are or what you're doing. But then I realize, at 4am, that I chose this. I chose to hurt myself as such, but am still unable to cut strings with the life I have lived in the middle time.
Thursday, March 19, 2015
Some More Feelings
Distance is supposed to make the heart grow fonder, but it tore us apart. There was not one night where I didn't feel as though something sneaky was happening, and the lung crushing, heart racing feeling still envelops over my body every night. I know that this man absolutely adores the shit out of me. He would do anything, so where is my appreciation? Why am I unable to give this to him? Because I can not settle down. I have failed to be loyal emotionally, and that is a battle that I could not continue any longer. The matter was explained to him numerous times, but he stated that it was okay and normal for me to think about him, to wonder why he suddenly disappeared. It's more than that, I am not ready to be with someone such as him. My heart is still up in the air, and I can not look into the mirror yet and tell myself that I am beautiful, and though he reminds me every day, it is still a fact that I can not comprehend. Loving your own self is the ultimate path to happiness, as long as you are comfortable with the person that you are, and I am not. I could not tell him the whole truth, and I can not speak it out loud myself, so of what significance am I in a relationship? I am not an equal, I am less that him, and that is not something which my personality can handle. There is no guarantee that I'm supposed to do this, sometimes I wish the answer would just jump out at me. I want to be with him, it's just too difficult. Time to get my thoughts together, time to get my feelings straight. I don't want to be with someone if it isn't a complete one hundred percent. I wish I could hold you in your arms and take every little drop of pain that I've caused away, but I need to be honest with myself first, then move on and tell you how I feel. I've hurt myself but have hurt you more, and there is no apology that could ever make up for the pain in which I have caused. One day I hope he realizes that this was for the better, and that I'm just making a stupid immature mistake. I desperately hope that in this process I don't lose him, but I want him to be able to move on and make sure that this decision is for the best of our interests.
Monday, March 16, 2015
Managing Oneself
Below are my notes from the book 'Managing Oneself' by Peter Drucker.
Feedback Analysis
Whenever
you make a key decision or action, write down what you expect will happen. 9-12
months later, compare the results.
This
method will show you what you are doing or failing to do that deprives you of
the full benefits of your strengths. Also, it will show you where you are not
fully competent. And lastly, it will show you where you have no strengths and
where you can not perform.
Concentrate
on your strengths. Put yourself where you strengths can produce results. Work
on your strengths. One should waste little time on improving areas of low
competence. It takes more time to work on areas of low competence than to work
on building your strengths.
It is okay to be subordinate in life.
You can be the best at a lower rank-it’s still something to be proud of.
General George Patton was a prime war hero in the lower ranks, but was not
promoted because the US Chief of Staff knew he wouldn’t make a good general
because he would be a better subordinate.
Strong decision makers put someone they
trust in their number two spot, and the number two person succeeds there
because they are unable to make decisions. The number one is the decision maker
and is outstanding, but still needs the number two in order to remain stable and logical.
Do not change yourself, rather work
hard to improve the way in which you perform.
Ethics: What kind of person do you want
to see in the mirror each morning?
“I see no point in being the richest
man in the cemetery.”
Highly gifted people don’t know where
they belong until their mid twenties, but they will know their strengths,
values, and how they perform.
When making a plan of action, the
results should be hard to achieve (but within reach), meaningful (and make a
difference), and finally, visible and measurable.
A midlife crisis is simply boredom. An
average person reaches the height of their career at age 45, and has worked
twenty long years to reach their fullest potential, and still has another
twenty to work. They begin to lose interest or switch careers because they are
bored and no longer contributing anything to the workplace or learning anything
new.
Late Night Thoughts...Again
This post was started in a Facebook post on March 7th, but it will continue onto here, as the emotions are more raw here.
It seems to be the case that we hurt the ones we 'love', because we know that if they truly 'love' us, they will be there for us even after we abuse and take advantage of their love. When does the abuse of their understanding of our discontent end? Is there a clear definition of the stopping point of their juggling of our pain? Maybe the ending point depends on the strength of the relationship, but then, we don't tell a person we just met but ten minutes ago a secret that your childhood best friend knows, and that relationship is bound to be stronger than the new person. But that new person may be more forgiving, they just met you, so maybe anxiety and caution is taken, and you slip, and say something that wasn't meant to be. They could be more forgiving. But your childhood best friend knows you better than your spouse may, and may just let it slip.
But what about spousal relationships? Not even just spouses, significant others, as well. Is true love being able to support that person through anything? You take vows to have and to hold, for better or for worse, but when that person cheats or becomes the person that you didn't think that they were, you leave in an instant. No second thoughts. Divorce has gotten too easy, too close to everyone's fingertips that couples don't want to try to work things out, they have no ambitions, no path to try and fall in love all over again and again. That's what marriage is, you must work at it and work at it.
We feel comfortable taking our anger out on the ones who will tell us that everything is going to be just dandy at the end of the day, but why? Why don't we take it out on the thing that causes our pain. The cowardliness in our personalities-we all have it- prevents us from standing up to what we truly feel. Many say that we need not care about others on our way up to success, but don't we crave human companionship/
It seems to be the case that we hurt the ones we 'love', because we know that if they truly 'love' us, they will be there for us even after we abuse and take advantage of their love. When does the abuse of their understanding of our discontent end? Is there a clear definition of the stopping point of their juggling of our pain? Maybe the ending point depends on the strength of the relationship, but then, we don't tell a person we just met but ten minutes ago a secret that your childhood best friend knows, and that relationship is bound to be stronger than the new person. But that new person may be more forgiving, they just met you, so maybe anxiety and caution is taken, and you slip, and say something that wasn't meant to be. They could be more forgiving. But your childhood best friend knows you better than your spouse may, and may just let it slip.
But what about spousal relationships? Not even just spouses, significant others, as well. Is true love being able to support that person through anything? You take vows to have and to hold, for better or for worse, but when that person cheats or becomes the person that you didn't think that they were, you leave in an instant. No second thoughts. Divorce has gotten too easy, too close to everyone's fingertips that couples don't want to try to work things out, they have no ambitions, no path to try and fall in love all over again and again. That's what marriage is, you must work at it and work at it.
We feel comfortable taking our anger out on the ones who will tell us that everything is going to be just dandy at the end of the day, but why? Why don't we take it out on the thing that causes our pain. The cowardliness in our personalities-we all have it- prevents us from standing up to what we truly feel. Many say that we need not care about others on our way up to success, but don't we crave human companionship/
Sunday, March 15, 2015
Types of Sugars
Most think that there are two types of sugars, but the topic of sugar is actually very complex.
One of the most common is artificial sugar. These are synthetic substitutes (sometimes they are from real herbs, but most of the time not), and are commonly the most intense of the sugars, because they intensify the sweet taste without adding extra calories. One of the downsides of artificial sugars like these is they can sometimes leave an unpleasant aftertaste. Many of these can not be used in baking as they are not bulky, such as table sugar or cane sugar, but they take away the amount of real sugar in a recipe. Artificial sugars can help people with diabetes-it provides the sweetness without actually raising blood sugar, but as always, ask your doctor about what you should do for your particular diet, as all of our bodies are different. Another controversial benefit is that they contribute to your diet by taking away a caloric value, something typical sugar would. Research suggests that this idea may be a temporary fix, as the artificial sugar will cause you to crave more sugary things in the future, and desensitize your tongue to the taste of real sugar, causing it to become less attractive to your brain.
Second up are sugar alcohols. They are regulated by the FDA, are not as sweet as natural sugar, and are both a natural and unnatural carbohydrate, natural similar to those found in certain fruits and vegetables. They do not actually contain any alcohol in them- as they don't have any traceable amounts of ethanol in them. Sugar alcohols are used in processed foods and things such as chocolate, mouthwash, and frozen desserts. They allow the product to become bulky, have texture, and help keep food moist. These are not favorable over artificial sugars to diabetics as they are a carbohydrate, thus raising blood sugar, but the absorption of them into the bloodstream is less then natural sugars. Too much of this type of sugar can cause gastrointestinal track problems as a negative.
Natural sugars, or added sugars, are what you see added to a food during the processing process. Honey and sugar are both considered added sugar, (HONEY SHOULD NOT BE GIVEN TO CHILDREN UNDER 1 YEARS OLD AS IT CAN CARRY BOTULISM). Personally, honey is my favorite sweetener, and as always, everything you eat should be eaten within moderation.
I wrote this for myself, really. Learning how to take care of my body and treat is well and feed it for the future has become something of major importance. Do research before you buy, look at the ingredients, and learn what not to look for.
One of the most common is artificial sugar. These are synthetic substitutes (sometimes they are from real herbs, but most of the time not), and are commonly the most intense of the sugars, because they intensify the sweet taste without adding extra calories. One of the downsides of artificial sugars like these is they can sometimes leave an unpleasant aftertaste. Many of these can not be used in baking as they are not bulky, such as table sugar or cane sugar, but they take away the amount of real sugar in a recipe. Artificial sugars can help people with diabetes-it provides the sweetness without actually raising blood sugar, but as always, ask your doctor about what you should do for your particular diet, as all of our bodies are different. Another controversial benefit is that they contribute to your diet by taking away a caloric value, something typical sugar would. Research suggests that this idea may be a temporary fix, as the artificial sugar will cause you to crave more sugary things in the future, and desensitize your tongue to the taste of real sugar, causing it to become less attractive to your brain.
Second up are sugar alcohols. They are regulated by the FDA, are not as sweet as natural sugar, and are both a natural and unnatural carbohydrate, natural similar to those found in certain fruits and vegetables. They do not actually contain any alcohol in them- as they don't have any traceable amounts of ethanol in them. Sugar alcohols are used in processed foods and things such as chocolate, mouthwash, and frozen desserts. They allow the product to become bulky, have texture, and help keep food moist. These are not favorable over artificial sugars to diabetics as they are a carbohydrate, thus raising blood sugar, but the absorption of them into the bloodstream is less then natural sugars. Too much of this type of sugar can cause gastrointestinal track problems as a negative.
Natural sugars, or added sugars, are what you see added to a food during the processing process. Honey and sugar are both considered added sugar, (HONEY SHOULD NOT BE GIVEN TO CHILDREN UNDER 1 YEARS OLD AS IT CAN CARRY BOTULISM). Personally, honey is my favorite sweetener, and as always, everything you eat should be eaten within moderation.
I wrote this for myself, really. Learning how to take care of my body and treat is well and feed it for the future has become something of major importance. Do research before you buy, look at the ingredients, and learn what not to look for.
Feeding Your Brain For Success: The Beginning
By definition, our brain is "an organ of soft nervous tissue contained in the skull of vertebrates, functioning as the coordination center of sensational and intellectual and nervous activity." Weighing in at about 3 pounds, the brain controls everything that goes on in your body, so why not feed it what it needs, what it craves?
The brain is composed of 100 billion or so brain cells, or neurons. The neurons generate energy from the food that we eat, which translates over to mental and physical contributions into our daily life. The better we feed our neurons, the better we are mentally and physically. What doesn't make sense in this picture to go out and feed our brain processed, nutrient deficient food, when just around the corner there is something that may not necessarily be the healthiest thing to eat, but it is a better, smarter option.
As humans, we go about protecting our bodies in every measurable way possible. We wear helmets when we ride our bikes, seat belts in the car, brush out teeth every day, wear clothing, all of these things are done as a preventative. Helmets are worn to prevent hurting your head if we fall, seat belts to stop us from getting more injured in a car accident, we brush our teeth to prevent cavities, wear clothing to prevent burns from the sun and wind. Everything we do is a biological, instinctual mindset to protect our bodies. So why do we not feed our bodies, our organs, our tissues, our blood, our cells the food that it needs to prevent us from getting diseases as such, things that could slowly kill us. Heart disease is the number one cause of death in the United States. Fun fact, all of these things are preventable. Smoking and poor diet are the highest contributors to heart disease and many of the fixable diseases that are seen in our daily life. So why do we refuse to fix it?
The brain is composed of 100 billion or so brain cells, or neurons. The neurons generate energy from the food that we eat, which translates over to mental and physical contributions into our daily life. The better we feed our neurons, the better we are mentally and physically. What doesn't make sense in this picture to go out and feed our brain processed, nutrient deficient food, when just around the corner there is something that may not necessarily be the healthiest thing to eat, but it is a better, smarter option.
As humans, we go about protecting our bodies in every measurable way possible. We wear helmets when we ride our bikes, seat belts in the car, brush out teeth every day, wear clothing, all of these things are done as a preventative. Helmets are worn to prevent hurting your head if we fall, seat belts to stop us from getting more injured in a car accident, we brush our teeth to prevent cavities, wear clothing to prevent burns from the sun and wind. Everything we do is a biological, instinctual mindset to protect our bodies. So why do we not feed our bodies, our organs, our tissues, our blood, our cells the food that it needs to prevent us from getting diseases as such, things that could slowly kill us. Heart disease is the number one cause of death in the United States. Fun fact, all of these things are preventable. Smoking and poor diet are the highest contributors to heart disease and many of the fixable diseases that are seen in our daily life. So why do we refuse to fix it?
Personal Thoughts on Diet
A higher amount of Americans eat unhealthy than they eat healthy. And there are numerous reasons for that, real and complete bullshit. My dad, for example, is one of those Americans that don't watch their diet at all, and don't seem to care. I don't understand why he won't eat similar to the way in which my mother does. He sits at his computer all day, goes downstairs every two hours and eats whatever he can get his hands on-typically stuff that he 'gets for my brother'. He is literally screwing over his body when he has the healthier foods right next to the ones that please the taste buds better.
As I'm going through my no processed food or artificial sugar journey, I'm trying not to be judgmental to those who choose to eat poorly, but why, when you have the information at your fingertips and the food right down the road. I suppose I must sympathize in some way-it took me 19 years to figure this out. I always knew that I wanted to choose a healthier life for myself, but didn't know where to start. Meeting Wyatt and taking all of these nutrition classes at school has given me a positive start to the rest of my life, I just hope that my behaviors can influence on my family.
As I'm going through my no processed food or artificial sugar journey, I'm trying not to be judgmental to those who choose to eat poorly, but why, when you have the information at your fingertips and the food right down the road. I suppose I must sympathize in some way-it took me 19 years to figure this out. I always knew that I wanted to choose a healthier life for myself, but didn't know where to start. Meeting Wyatt and taking all of these nutrition classes at school has given me a positive start to the rest of my life, I just hope that my behaviors can influence on my family.
Saturday, March 14, 2015
Not My Area of Concern
I want to so badly text him and tell him to go back home so that I can talk to him, but I have no voice in his actions anymore. I want to tell him to leave the bar and come back home to me, get in bed so I can hold him all night. But I can't. That's no longer what I can do, something that I can't control anymore. That's the worst thing about not being by your side. But I chose not to be there, so this was ultimately brought upon me by myself. My loss, I suppose. On the bright side, I am trying to push forward and keep my eyes on the prize. I did get a text from an old friend where we had a flirtatious relationship, but that was it. It won't lead anywhere, I don't think. I want him to move on so its easier for me.
Wednesday, March 11, 2015
I couldn't bring my eyes into focus, couldn't turn my body to look at you. All that I could do is keep my hand inside of yours, hold it as tight as I possibly could have, and say those awful, heartbreaking words. I want to bring him back, want him to feel my love and feel what it means to be loved by him. But what's holding me back? That's something that I can't seem to comprehend, an idea that won't come into my thought processes. It may be my biggest regret, but it could also be my biggest happiness. It feels good during the day, but bad during the day. Not even a phone call or a text. Nothing. It hurts, but we must overcome. Moving forward only comes from moving on from pain. This sucks, it really does, but we've got to move on.
Monday, March 9, 2015
Storm
"If I could just see you,
Everything would be alright,
If I could just see you,
This darkness would turn to light."
My heart is divided. Half the time I want it, and half the time I don't. I know everything will be alright, but I'm not prepared to do any of this. I'm not emotionally ready to give myself to one person. I need to work on myself, I need to do well for Laura. That's what this journey is about. It's ridiculously hard not having him here to talk to at the end of the night. So incredibly hard. And I don't think that I could do this for one more day. One more second, but I must wait until he wakes up and reads it. What if he says no? I would understand, I would accept it. I made a mistake. But what about the other? There is genuine care and appreciation. He opens up my eyes. But there are emotions there that don't exist, things that I need that I can not yet receive.
If there is a single person who deserves this happiness, it's him. And I took it away. In one slick, unthoughtful motion. I thought it was thought out, but I was wrong. I was very wrong, and I made the worse mistake of my life. I know that he is in the exact position I was in just 9 short months ago. Why why why?
Everything would be alright,
If I could just see you,
This darkness would turn to light."
My heart is divided. Half the time I want it, and half the time I don't. I know everything will be alright, but I'm not prepared to do any of this. I'm not emotionally ready to give myself to one person. I need to work on myself, I need to do well for Laura. That's what this journey is about. It's ridiculously hard not having him here to talk to at the end of the night. So incredibly hard. And I don't think that I could do this for one more day. One more second, but I must wait until he wakes up and reads it. What if he says no? I would understand, I would accept it. I made a mistake. But what about the other? There is genuine care and appreciation. He opens up my eyes. But there are emotions there that don't exist, things that I need that I can not yet receive.
If there is a single person who deserves this happiness, it's him. And I took it away. In one slick, unthoughtful motion. I thought it was thought out, but I was wrong. I was very wrong, and I made the worse mistake of my life. I know that he is in the exact position I was in just 9 short months ago. Why why why?
My Biggest Regret
The hardest, strongest, but most honest emotions come in the middle of the night. When your mind is exhausted beyond belief and there is nothing you want more in this world than to sleep, to shut your eyes and let your dreams take you out of your reality. But then suddenly, all of these emotions just rush into your throat out of nowhere, your face begins to swelter, and you can't hold back the heaving sobs that make you choke.
I wish I didn't say goodbye to him. I regret that. Maybe because it's been two days since I said those words and looked into his eyes and felt his heart give out. He wouldn't let me go, wouldn't let me leave. Why the fuck did I do this? I don't know. I want him to get better, but I want to be by his side when he does it, that's what a good woman does. A good woman is going to go through all his pain with him, she's going to be there when he stumbles and falls, and help to put him back on his feet. I don't want to love another person besides him, I don't think I can. There was a future between us, and we both saw it. I'm supposed to be next to him on his journey, just like he has been with me. I know damn fucking well that he would go to the ends of this earth to make me happy and to support me, he's already shown that. I can't believe I did this.
He gave me his heart. He left it at my feet, and I took it in my hands, and I took the knife and slowly but surely drew it closer and closer to my palm, and stabbed his beating heart, and at the very end, I didn't measure the distance correctly and stabbed myself in the heart. Who got the worst of the stab, I'm not really sure. I want to fix my bleeding, broken heart. Time apparently heals all wounds, but can it heal this one? I don't think so. I know that it won't. I need him. I crave him, my heart won't stop aching until I make this right.
I wish I didn't say goodbye to him. I regret that. Maybe because it's been two days since I said those words and looked into his eyes and felt his heart give out. He wouldn't let me go, wouldn't let me leave. Why the fuck did I do this? I don't know. I want him to get better, but I want to be by his side when he does it, that's what a good woman does. A good woman is going to go through all his pain with him, she's going to be there when he stumbles and falls, and help to put him back on his feet. I don't want to love another person besides him, I don't think I can. There was a future between us, and we both saw it. I'm supposed to be next to him on his journey, just like he has been with me. I know damn fucking well that he would go to the ends of this earth to make me happy and to support me, he's already shown that. I can't believe I did this.
He gave me his heart. He left it at my feet, and I took it in my hands, and I took the knife and slowly but surely drew it closer and closer to my palm, and stabbed his beating heart, and at the very end, I didn't measure the distance correctly and stabbed myself in the heart. Who got the worst of the stab, I'm not really sure. I want to fix my bleeding, broken heart. Time apparently heals all wounds, but can it heal this one? I don't think so. I know that it won't. I need him. I crave him, my heart won't stop aching until I make this right.
Saturday, March 7, 2015
Basic Thoughts
"I do not want your love, my love, until you learn to love you."
Just two nights ago, I attempted to break it off with my boyfriend of almost 6 months. He made it absolutely impossible to do, saying how he would prefer a break. Well, I don't particularly believe in breaks from a person. But, just to attempt to make him happy for one last attempt, I gave in to him. I told him I would give him an answer on Sunday. But I don't think that's enough time. I don't think it ever will be. I care about him and I do 'love' him, but is that enough?
I'm lost. My heart doesn't know where it's going. I'm about to make this huge life change, and am not sure if he's going to be able to do it with me. I don't think he can. The only way that I could stick with him is if he changes with me, too.
Do I love myself? Do I love myself to let go of something, or someone, who could ruin my progress? Will my own willpower be stronger than the urges?
What really is loving oneself? Acceptance of one's own self worth? Loving your own insecurities? Well, I know that I'm worth something to someone- but worth the most to myself. What about my insecurities? My biggest insecurity are those scars on my back, or the way that I think, but he loved(s?) all of them, or so he says. Maybe 'love' is having someone who will love all of those things you don't like about yourself, but is that really possible?
I don't think that he loves himself enough yet. I have tried giving him as much tender love and care as I could, and all has remained the same. He relies on me to make himself feel good, and that isn't right. In order for one to love another, you must love your own flaws, and he does not, and he makes no effort to change them. While my scars may be something permanent, the way in which I think can be changes, which I'm working on, and my diet can be changed, which I am also working on.
This post may be added onto later on. I've really stretched my sleeping schedule up this weekend, which doesn't contribute positively to the journey of a better me at all.
Just two nights ago, I attempted to break it off with my boyfriend of almost 6 months. He made it absolutely impossible to do, saying how he would prefer a break. Well, I don't particularly believe in breaks from a person. But, just to attempt to make him happy for one last attempt, I gave in to him. I told him I would give him an answer on Sunday. But I don't think that's enough time. I don't think it ever will be. I care about him and I do 'love' him, but is that enough?
I'm lost. My heart doesn't know where it's going. I'm about to make this huge life change, and am not sure if he's going to be able to do it with me. I don't think he can. The only way that I could stick with him is if he changes with me, too.
Do I love myself? Do I love myself to let go of something, or someone, who could ruin my progress? Will my own willpower be stronger than the urges?
What really is loving oneself? Acceptance of one's own self worth? Loving your own insecurities? Well, I know that I'm worth something to someone- but worth the most to myself. What about my insecurities? My biggest insecurity are those scars on my back, or the way that I think, but he loved(s?) all of them, or so he says. Maybe 'love' is having someone who will love all of those things you don't like about yourself, but is that really possible?
I don't think that he loves himself enough yet. I have tried giving him as much tender love and care as I could, and all has remained the same. He relies on me to make himself feel good, and that isn't right. In order for one to love another, you must love your own flaws, and he does not, and he makes no effort to change them. While my scars may be something permanent, the way in which I think can be changes, which I'm working on, and my diet can be changed, which I am also working on.
This post may be added onto later on. I've really stretched my sleeping schedule up this weekend, which doesn't contribute positively to the journey of a better me at all.
Thursday, March 5, 2015
Spark
I've been thinking about changing the way I live for several months, since I decided that I wanted to become a health inspector at my local university. This isn't just a spur of the moment choice, it's been planned out. Well, the idea has been planned out, but not the actual steps.
Recently, I've been getting sick. I have had at least eight Urinary Tract Infections within the past year, multiple yeast infections, I feel sluggish and tired, and haven't felt as though I was using my brain to it's full capacity. The feeling of doing well in my life is something I miss, and what's compelling me to do well.
I'm going to use this blog to try and write every day about the struggles that I face, what I've been thinking about, and whatever else comes to mind. I want to have a better understanding of how people work, how what we put into our body effects the way we work, and why people choose certain actions and paths. My overall goal is to be a permanently happier, healthier person.
Recently, I've been getting sick. I have had at least eight Urinary Tract Infections within the past year, multiple yeast infections, I feel sluggish and tired, and haven't felt as though I was using my brain to it's full capacity. The feeling of doing well in my life is something I miss, and what's compelling me to do well.
I'm going to use this blog to try and write every day about the struggles that I face, what I've been thinking about, and whatever else comes to mind. I want to have a better understanding of how people work, how what we put into our body effects the way we work, and why people choose certain actions and paths. My overall goal is to be a permanently happier, healthier person.
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